A Little About This Site
I am an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse. On this site I share my story, my thoughts, and my struggles. All of our stories are unique (good and bad), but they shape us into who we are today.
Every day I learn more and more about myself and the way our brains grow and deal with past traumas. I'm learning to recognize my triggers and coping habits, see if I can improve on them, and to set healthy boundaries. Because... well... I am worthy!
People who seek answers in their lives, whether they have trauma or not, are generally happier people. I am a seeker.
No matter your story, your habits or struggles... you are welcome here. And please remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
I am an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse. On this site I share my story, my thoughts, and my struggles. All of our stories are unique (good and bad), but they shape us into who we are today.
Every day I learn more and more about myself and the way our brains grow and deal with past traumas. I'm learning to recognize my triggers and coping habits, see if I can improve on them, and to set healthy boundaries. Because... well... I am worthy!
People who seek answers in their lives, whether they have trauma or not, are generally happier people. I am a seeker.
No matter your story, your habits or struggles... you are welcome here. And please remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
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Changing My Life
My name is Stacy Mantor. There was a time not to long ago, I thought I had it all figured out. After all, I’m 43 years old. I have life experience under my belt, I’m a smart person, and it happened forever ago anyway. It doesn’t affect me anymore. Right?
I told my self those words so many times. Maybe if I repeat it enough, it’ll be true. It worked for quite a while. But there was always a little void deep in my soul. Something that kept telling me I wanted to share my story. And every time that thought would pop up… I’d shove it back down deep. I mean really? Talk about what happened to me to other people? How nauseating!
Then I started listening to a podcast "The Mental Illness Happy Hour", where people actually get vulnerable and tell their stories. They share their struggles from past abuse, addictions, and/or mental illness. The theme is “We are not alone”. The more I listened to that podcast, the more I wanted to connect. Others feel or have felt the way I do. And then it happened.
The holidays. We love the holidays, don’t we? Getting together with family, reminiscing over a glass of whine… or several. I don’t see anything that could go wrong with this scenario, do you?
Apparently for other people, time helps them forget. Well it didn’t help me forget. At a family gathering for Christmas last year, my father said these words… “You know, he (my molester of 6 years) is really a good guy.” I felt like I had been punched in the gut. My stomach came up into my mouth, and my body shook all over as I fought to catch my breath. I then proceeded to cry for the next three hours, before slipping into a two week depression. Yes, time had made my father forget the anger and betrayal he felt 26 years ago when he found out his sister’s husband had been molesting his little girl for 6 years. Time helped him forget, but it didn’t help me forget.
Since I was obviously not going to forget like I wished I could, I needed to find a way to deal with the pain. Healthy coping mechinisims instead of turning to anger and alcohol. One of the common themes in the podcast I had spent so many hours listening to was… seek others who have those “me too” moments. That’s when I decided to go to a support group. The first one I tried, I didn't fit in so well. It was more of a group of older women sharing stories about their grandchildren, than talking about why they were actually there. Which is great if it helps them, but it wasn't what I was looking for. So the second one I tried, I knew instantly, these are my people!. We had some things in common. These girls in one way or another, had experienced some of the same things I have. It was like a breath of fresh air. No things don’t just get better with the flick of the switch, but I had support, understanding, and a sense of belonging. There is nothing like knowing there are others out there who have similar struggles. Our stories are all different, but we all have experienced something similar. The sense of knowing and feeling you are not alone with the sometimes overwhelming struggles we face in everyday life, is more amazing than words could ever say.
As I came to realize it really does help to share and let go of the yuck, I started this blog. In this blog, I share my ups and downs, my thoughts and feelings. You are welcome to snoop around, even throw a comment in if you want. Either way, I'm glad you're here. And please remember, you are not alone!
I am strong, I am smart, I am loveable, and I am worthy!
My name is Stacy Mantor. There was a time not to long ago, I thought I had it all figured out. After all, I’m 43 years old. I have life experience under my belt, I’m a smart person, and it happened forever ago anyway. It doesn’t affect me anymore. Right?
I told my self those words so many times. Maybe if I repeat it enough, it’ll be true. It worked for quite a while. But there was always a little void deep in my soul. Something that kept telling me I wanted to share my story. And every time that thought would pop up… I’d shove it back down deep. I mean really? Talk about what happened to me to other people? How nauseating!
Then I started listening to a podcast "The Mental Illness Happy Hour", where people actually get vulnerable and tell their stories. They share their struggles from past abuse, addictions, and/or mental illness. The theme is “We are not alone”. The more I listened to that podcast, the more I wanted to connect. Others feel or have felt the way I do. And then it happened.
The holidays. We love the holidays, don’t we? Getting together with family, reminiscing over a glass of whine… or several. I don’t see anything that could go wrong with this scenario, do you?
Apparently for other people, time helps them forget. Well it didn’t help me forget. At a family gathering for Christmas last year, my father said these words… “You know, he (my molester of 6 years) is really a good guy.” I felt like I had been punched in the gut. My stomach came up into my mouth, and my body shook all over as I fought to catch my breath. I then proceeded to cry for the next three hours, before slipping into a two week depression. Yes, time had made my father forget the anger and betrayal he felt 26 years ago when he found out his sister’s husband had been molesting his little girl for 6 years. Time helped him forget, but it didn’t help me forget.
Since I was obviously not going to forget like I wished I could, I needed to find a way to deal with the pain. Healthy coping mechinisims instead of turning to anger and alcohol. One of the common themes in the podcast I had spent so many hours listening to was… seek others who have those “me too” moments. That’s when I decided to go to a support group. The first one I tried, I didn't fit in so well. It was more of a group of older women sharing stories about their grandchildren, than talking about why they were actually there. Which is great if it helps them, but it wasn't what I was looking for. So the second one I tried, I knew instantly, these are my people!. We had some things in common. These girls in one way or another, had experienced some of the same things I have. It was like a breath of fresh air. No things don’t just get better with the flick of the switch, but I had support, understanding, and a sense of belonging. There is nothing like knowing there are others out there who have similar struggles. Our stories are all different, but we all have experienced something similar. The sense of knowing and feeling you are not alone with the sometimes overwhelming struggles we face in everyday life, is more amazing than words could ever say.
As I came to realize it really does help to share and let go of the yuck, I started this blog. In this blog, I share my ups and downs, my thoughts and feelings. You are welcome to snoop around, even throw a comment in if you want. Either way, I'm glad you're here. And please remember, you are not alone!
I am strong, I am smart, I am loveable, and I am worthy!